I found this quote today and it really beautifully puts into words how I feel about losing Janessa.
I think some people think that If I could change what happened to us to “never have happened” I would. They think that if I could go back in time and never become pregnant with her to make sure this didn’t happen, that I would. That way we could avoid all the grief and sadness we feel. Truth is I wouldn’t trade in the months I carried my daughter and felt her move and kick inside me or the hours I spent with her for anything in the world. The love I felt for her while she was inside me and when she was in my arms only another parent could understand. Every single day I wish I could have her in my arms again. Each day I love her more and more.
Some people never experience this love we share. Yes share. I can feel Janessa’s love. There are times where for a few brief moments amongst all this gut-wrenching pain I feel peace. Calm. Love. I feel it from head to toe and I know its her. I like to think that wherever she is, her soul, her energy, she is sending us her love.
Why would I want to erase a love so strong?