Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Secret Garden Meeting - September

I have posted this before but for those not familiar I follow a blog Called "The Secret Garden Meeting."

"The Garden is a place that is only open for bereaved parents. It is our garden, our secret place to come to. A place to remember our children with those who understand us. It is a place to just be, without worry or fear of not being accepted. May you feel safe to share your hearts here in the garden."

Once a month a list of question(s) are posted for us to copy & paste into our blog.

This month we feel that we need to focus on the positive things that have helped us in this journey so far.

What has helped you through out this new life the most?

I am definitely still trying to understand this new life of ours. I am still quite lost.

Here is what has helped me on this path thus far.

  • My son is the number one reason I am still functioning. I am so very thankful we have him. He is amazing.

  • My husband, like I said in my previous post has been my rock & my soft place to fall. I would not be able to go on without him.

  • The internet. I have been on the computer since a few days after leaving the hospital. I overloaded myself with information which took me a very long time to process. I am still trying to adjust to what I have read and learned to some degree.

  • Blogging. This blog has been a great outlet. It has allowed me to release my insane thoughts & feelings. Meeting you ladies & having a support system at anytime of the day has helped me enormously. Without this I may have lost it completely.

  • Every Life Has A Story. Creating ELHAS in memory of Janessa gave me a little bit more purpose in the world when I felt so lost. I take comfort in being able to help fellow bereaved parents. I am blessed to get to know each family I create a video for. It has given me some healing.

  • Music. I have always been a music junkie. This is a whole new level. Music allows me to get down to those feelings I subconsciosly try & supress. When I need to feel near her I put on the latest song that makes me feel close to her. The words of the songs speak the words of my heart.

  • Janessa's garden. Creating a beautiful place in memory of Janessa was something I had to do. It felt so good to do something "for her." I am looking forward to the spring to get back in there and finish creating a place of peace for us to go.

  • I would have to say the number one thing that has helped me is allowing myself all of my emotions. Trying to not put on an act so that everyone thinks I am ok. Even though there are people who probably wish I would just be better by now. I know they are clueless. I feel each emotion that comes. I try not to supress any feelings because I know they will come back ten-fold. I have allowed myself my grief. I have earned that.

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Jill said...

What a beautiful garden for Janessa! I love how you mentioned that you have allowed yourself to grieve. I think that is important for all of us moms.

Holly said...

I agree on all your things. My husband and daughter help me go one. Music has been a great therapy along with blogging. We have a little corner in our flower beds for Carleigh. It's so nice. I really like Janessa's!

Franchesca Cox said...

Your garden is beautiful, I will hopefully get to do a Jenna garden soon. =) I agree with what you said that allowing yourself to grieve is important, you have earned it. I read that somewhere in a book called "Good Grief", I think.

Malory said...

Thank you ladies about Janessa's garden. I will post better pictures this spring. I really wish winter was already over. I don't think being cooped up in the house for 5 months is going to do me any good. :(

Holly I would LOVE to see Carleigh's flowers.

Franchesca..speaking of the winter, maybe I will pick up a book. I still haven't started reading any grief books yet. I am sure they could def help.

Lianne said...

I am glad that you have your little man and hubby by your side. Losing our babies makes us realize how important family truly is. Grieving is inevitable for us, continue to show your emotions in any shape or form you wish, because YOU DO deserve to. People that tell you to move on obviously don't comprehend the pain in child loss. Take care Mama, I'll keep you in my prayers.

Christy said...

Sounds like you are "in control", Malory. I know it feels like our world is upside down and there is nothing we can do to fix it. When things seem impossible, you have your support system and all the things there to help you through it. They are all beautiful. Sending you hugs,

Heather said...

Your garden is absolutely beautiful. ***HUGS***
I'm so glad you have so many positive things in your life to keep you going on this long and bumpy road.

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