Its simple things like eating my oatmeal on my couch this morning. I brought it in there because I could look at her picture & be near her things while I ate breakfast. It hit me how I should be feeding her oatmeal by now. I cry.
It doesn't always happen when I purposely go "be near her". I could be doing the laundry & bringing a load upstairs to put away & think to myself how their should be a baby gate at the top of the stairs that would be absolutely annoying to step over. I cry.
Picking up my son at school where I see moms struggling to pull their infants out of their carseats to go inside & get their older child. I hold on tight to my game face, I walk inside & get my son, smile, ask how his day was, get excited that he got to play his favorite game in gym, make sure he buckles up properly in his booster. I cry silently all the way home.
Putting up our Christmas tree & thinking how she could be possibly crawling and getting into everything. What her first ornament would've been, instead of the memorial one I purchased. The pictures that would of been taken. The one that was instead:
I sneak off and cry.
This list could go on & on...
Birthday parties with babies. Shopping with babies. Doctor appointments with babies.
Babies are everywhere. Mine is not.
At every corner of every day lays a reminder that Janessa is not here with us.
It hurts. I cry.
This song represents alot.