My beautiful Janessa. My forever baby.
She had her daddy’s nose, jet-black hair, and looked so much like her big brother.
She would be turning nine years old today.
I thought today was perfect to share this gorgeous portrait of her with you all. It was hand-drawn by a very talented artist that I’ve been following for years. She used a handful of photos that I sent her, along with some verbal descriptions, to create this incredible piece of art. It’s perfect. Janessa was perfect.
Oh, how I wish I could see her now at age nine. We’ve missed so much.
Over the years, my grief has turned mostly into the wonder of her. My mind is continuously filled with the curiosity of who she would’ve been. There are times when the absence of her physical presence is so incredibly strong, that it feels as if her spirit is dancing behind a thin veil along the edge of the moment we are in, allowing me to picture her there with us. Almost granting me the glimpse of her that I so deeply desire and long for.
“Missing you has settled into my bones. What once was fierce has softened. Like a constant melody, your name, pouring through my mind- on repeat. Your memory, the undercurrent of my days.”-Lexi Behrndt
I have learned how to make space for it all- the pain, the grief, the love, and the joy. I continue to love deeply. I chase the joy and never take it for granted. I relish in this world’s beauty for the both of us. And I respect life’s fragility knowing all too well how quickly it can change. I was unable to control the length of her life, but I can control the depth of its affect upon my own.
Another year has passed. Our lives have changed. I have changed.
But what will never change is my love for her.
Agatha Christie wrote, “A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”
Even death stands no match for this mother’s love.
She had her daddy’s nose, jet-black hair, and looked so much like her big brother.
She would be turning nine years old today.
I thought today was perfect to share this gorgeous portrait of her with you all. It was hand-drawn by a very talented artist that I’ve been following for years. She used a handful of photos that I sent her, along with some verbal descriptions, to create this incredible piece of art. It’s perfect. Janessa was perfect.
Oh, how I wish I could see her now at age nine. We’ve missed so much.
Over the years, my grief has turned mostly into the wonder of her. My mind is continuously filled with the curiosity of who she would’ve been. There are times when the absence of her physical presence is so incredibly strong, that it feels as if her spirit is dancing behind a thin veil along the edge of the moment we are in, allowing me to picture her there with us. Almost granting me the glimpse of her that I so deeply desire and long for.
“Missing you has settled into my bones. What once was fierce has softened. Like a constant melody, your name, pouring through my mind- on repeat. Your memory, the undercurrent of my days.”-Lexi Behrndt
I have learned how to make space for it all- the pain, the grief, the love, and the joy. I continue to love deeply. I chase the joy and never take it for granted. I relish in this world’s beauty for the both of us. And I respect life’s fragility knowing all too well how quickly it can change. I was unable to control the length of her life, but I can control the depth of its affect upon my own.
Another year has passed. Our lives have changed. I have changed.
But what will never change is my love for her.
Agatha Christie wrote, “A mother’s love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”
Even death stands no match for this mother’s love.
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