Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Room Reveal

I thought I would show you all how JD's nursery turned out. You all have read my many posts about how special Janessa's nursery was to me and how very emotional the process of remodeling it was. In the end, I felt able to begin packing away her items and preparing for her little brother's arrival. It took me almost umtil the end of the pregnancy to really start doing anything to the room. I needed to do it in my time. When I felt ready.

It turned out very nice. I chose a theme that he could stick with you foe awhile. With JJ, I chose a baby theme and he quickly outgrew his room decor. JD's room is a very comfortable place. I chose calming colors for the walls and I really do feel relaxed while in there. JD seems to feel the same. I sometimes bring him in there when he is being a bit fussy.

So here are some pics.....

As you enter...

A stereo for his lullabies :)

Full of toys...

What do you all think?

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Dear Janessa

Dear Janessa,

Hello babygirl. I have been missing you so much lately. I of course, miss you each and every day but lately the sting of your absence seems to be a bit more painful. I cannot believe it has been almost 2 years since you were physically here with me. You would be turning 23 months next week. Your 2nd birthday is right around the corner. I wish I could have had the chance to see the toddler you would be right now.

Two-year-olds seem to be everywhere I look lately. I have even found a few in my arms recently. I find joy in these little babies but the tug at my heart, at my soul, is too strong not to acknowledge. It leaves me with such an ache for you. I watch them and know you should be doing all that they are. I try and picture you doing those things, what you may look like now, and how cute your little voice and words would sound. I imagine you driving your big brother crazy. I think of all the mischief you would be getting into.

I wonder what it is like where you are. What you do to fill the time. What time feels like there. I wonder if you miss me, miss us. I wonder if all you know is peace and love. I send you my love each day.

I remember holding you in the hospital. Your Daddy had left the room for a few minutes. I sat there rocking you and humming the lullaby I always hummed to your big bro, and now to JD as well. There are so many things I wish I did with you that day, so many regrets, but I am glad I got to do that. That is one of the few things I will get to do with all my children.

I recently read your little brother his first storybook. I sat on the floor of his nursery, your old nursery, with him in my lap. He looked so curiously at all the colors on the pages as I read the words aloud to him. I am so incredibly blessed to have him here with us. I love that I get to do all these things with him. I am just sad I never got the chance with you. I know you watch over your brothers. I wonder if you were with us that day.

I believe my words and thoughts find you, wherever that may be. I know your spirit finds me as well. I feel you.

So my sweet angel, I would like to read you a story now. One of my favorites. Its perfect just for you.

I Love You As Much... by Laura Krauss Melmed

Said the mother horse to her child,
"I love you as much as a warm summer breeze."

Said the mother bear to her child,
"I love you as much as the forest has trees."

Said the mother camel to her child,
"I love you as much as the desert is dry."

Said the mother goose to her child,
"I love you as much as the endless blue sky."

Said the mother sheep to her child,
"I love you as much as the grass on the hill."

Said the mother mouse to her child,
"I love you as much as the grain in the mill."

Said the mother goat to her child,
"I love you as much as the mountain is steep."

Said the mother whale to her child,
"I love you as much as the ocean is deep."

Now sleep, child of mine, while the stars shine above-
I love you as much as a mother can love.

Love, Mommy

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