Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Arrival of JD (part three)

...Continued from The Arrival of JD (part two) (missed part one? Read that here)

The nurses brought him over to me in only a diaper. I untied my gown and we were able to have skin to skin contact. It was amazing. I have tears in my eyes as I type this. 

We had originally planned to have some alone time with just us for a little while, then bring JJ in and then later everyone else. We sent for JJ earlier than expected because we were so excited for them to meet. He had been waiting for this moment as long as we had been. I will never forget JJ walking in the room and his reaction to him. He came in rather excited and he came over to get a good look. He then became very quiet. I think the thought of "who is this baby laying on my mommy?" was running through his head. He stayed quiet that first night and was observing the happenings around him.

The family was anxious as well. They came in shortly after. I never gave him up. He stayed on me skin to skin until everyone had gone home for the night.

Our nurse who came on at 3 pm was working until 3 am that night. She was able to be there for the birth (11:36 pm) when normally she would have left at 11 pm. She was amazing and I am so happy she was there as was she. Right before 3 am she escorted us to the post partum room and helped us get settled in. We met our new nurse. We were exhausted. They wanted to take JD so I could get some sleep. I knew I needed rest but the thought of that nurse taking him out of the room made me sick to my stomach. The last time a nurse walked out of the hospital room with my baby she never returned to my arms. I didn't see her again until she was in her casket. I started having major anxiety. My husband wanted some sleep and he didn't seem to think twice about them taking him for a few hours. I do not beleive he had any idea what I was going through at that moment. I eventually reluctantly let them take him.

My nurse came back in to give me some pain meds and she said "you have an angel as well". I smiled and nodded and a moment later it hit me...she was talking about Janessa and she was a mommy of an angel too. She went on to say that she too lost her daughter, her second child in at 20(something) weeks pregnant. She told me her daughter's name which was beautiful and we exchanged sympathetic glances. I wish she hadn't caught me off guard as I would have had so much more to say.

My husband fell asleep rather quickly but I...I cried myself to sleep. I almost had the nurse bring him back him.

Maybe an hour later our nurse came in and said they had given him his first bath. She expressed that he was lethargic. She said that the babies usually fuss or cry during their bath and he didn't seem to flinch. He stayed calm the whole time. She said his vitals were all good. She told me the pediatrician would check him out in the morning. When she left every crazy thought ran through my mind. I was extremely scared. I am not sure how long after but she was concerned enough that she decided to bring him back in the room so she could put him back on me for more skin to skin time. When she did he became a little more active. She said that was the most alert she had seen him and he really wasn't doing much.

The pediatrician checked him out later that morning and he was doing much better. That was a relief.

My husband then finally got to hold him.

When JJ came the next day he proudly wore his "big brother" shirt again and was able to hold JD.

I could not seem to take my eyes off of him.

I had envisioned this day for so long. Imagined what he may look like. I loved feeling him in my arms.

His ultrasound pics made us think he would look so much like his daddy. I remember glancing at him for the first time when he was under the warmer and thinking how completely wrong we were! He came out looking just like big brother.

Janessa looked like Jayden does now but JD looks like JJ did when he was baby.

We also took our first family picture.

JD was doing ok but he would have these terrible gagging episodes. It was as though he was trying to cough up mucus but it would get stuck in his throat and he couldn't seem to get a breath. He would turn red but moments later he would gasp some air. IT WAS AWFUL. I freaked, I mean FREAKED out every single time. I would panic so much I would shake. We must of paged the nurse atleast 10 times regarding this. She would come in pat his back and calm us down. He tended to do this during feedings quite a bit but also after a good length of time after feedings as well. I was a wreck. Due to this we stayed an extra night in the hospital.

They think because he had such a fast delivery his lungs did not have enough time to have all the fluid squeezed out of them in the birth canal. He continued to have these gagging episodes for about a month after he came home as well. Thank God I have a nurse for a neighbor :)

Besides the scary gaging fits the rest of the hospital stay was nice. We were looking forward to going home but I honestly liked having the nurses there to ease my anxiety. Well except for when one of the nurses we came to really like took about 20 years off my life when she asked me a question...

She took JD to have his hearing screening done. About 15 minutes later she came back in our room alone. I was in the bathroom when I heard her say slightly panicked..."Where's the baby?" to my husband. I got all jittery, tried to hold my composure, opened the bathroom door and exclaimed "You took him to his hearing test!". She replied "Oh oh that's right..I'm so sorry I came in here and didn't see the baby...". She honestly had a slight slip of the mind but that slip was enough to stop my heart from beating. In those seconds so many thoughts ran through my mind...was he kidnapped? etc... I was extremely happy when she wheeled him back in minutes later.

On Thursday December 30th we were discharged from the hospital. JD had his hospital pictures taken and then we got him all ready to go.

JJ and my mom were waiting for us at home. I was pretty much ready to go by that point although I would miss the reassurance of having a nurse right there.

We packed up everything and I was happy when they allowed me to walk out on my own instead of using a wheelchair. I had been trapped in a hospital room for 3 1/2 days and needed to stretch my legs and get some sunlight.

We walked down to the lobby and I sat on the bench while he pulled the car up front. I sat there thinking of the incredible journey we had been on for the past 19 months.

This time I was happy, relieved and incredibly grateful to be leaving the hospital with my arms full.


Stacy Spuria said...

You have such a beautiful way of telling your story. Such a wonderful talent. So happy all worked out with JD. I often think of you as a baby and throughout your childhood, watching you grow into the woman you are today has been such a privilege hun! God Bless you all!

*Laura Angel said...

Love this whole story! :)

Lisette said...

Thank you for sharing

Amanda said...

I think we had one of the same nurses. I don't remember her name but one of the nurses told us she lost a baby girl too. She also had a special needs teenager? That's the one thing I feel positive about from losing Stella-that we can allow others to talk about and remember their angels as well.

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