Thursday, March 10, 2011

Meant For Her

It amazes me at how much emotion can be evoked by an object.

When I was pregnant with Janessa, I was blessed by the generosity of others and ended up with a large supply a baby girl clothes. So many that I only purchased a handful of outfits for her myself. Shopping for little girls is so much fun.

Clothes I bought for Janessa
While sorting through her items in preparation for JD's arrival, I packaged up and kept all the clothes pictured above. I cannot part with them. They are with Janessa's items. I have since gone through the rest that were given to me. I made a HUGE decision a few weeks back and decided to send a large amount to a dear friend of mine who was expecting her rainbow...actually 2 rainbows! The rest are divided up by size ready for a different friend who just had her rainbow as well. I never thought I could get rid of them. So many emotions were attached to them. They symbolized so much. Giving them to other rainbow babies was the only thing that made it feel ok.

Included in those that I purchased for Janessa was this outfit...


I was shopping with my mom when I came across it. I thought it was slightly boyish but I loved the cute design! I read it and I just had to buy it for her. It was so adorable & I was excited about purchasing it. I don't really get that excited over clothing but for some reason this made me. I remember having my husband read the cute little sayings when I got home. 

Here is what it says...


How cute is that?

I decided not to store this one with the rest of Janessa's items. I instead put aside for JD. I remember the feeling of removing the tags to wash it with the rest of JD's clothes. A feeling I am not sure I can find the words for. I guess it was sadness mixed in with the hope that the baby wrapped up in my belly WOULD have the chance to wear it, also knowing that this is the closest to sharing something with his older sister that would be possible.

I put all the pj's in drawers and all the "going out" clothes were hung up in his closet. Even though this was a sleeper outfit I hung it up instead. I wasn't sure when I would be ready to put it on him...if ever. He went through all the other ones in that size probably two or three times before I decided to dress him in it. I layed it out on his changing table and then gave him a bath.

I remember dressing him in it and having a flood of thoughts run through my mind. I thought back to purchasing it...imagined someone telling me that the baby I was buying it for would never be able to wear it...I thought how I never had the chance to dress Janessa, a regret that haunts me... I thought about how very grateful I was that JD made it here safe and sound...and then I wiped my tears, looked down and saw him staring up at me...and I smiled.





6 comments:

Kelly T. said...

You are an amazing woman, Mal. My Mom lost my older brother Kevin 5 minutes after he was born. How happy am I that she tried again and gave me life?

You are incredible, girl. I will always hve Janessa in my heart and thoughts when I think of your beautiful family!

klarsen said...

How beautiful. And look at that beautiful smile On his face. xo

brigette said...

So precious! His smile melts my heart. What a great thing to have kept for him to be able to wear it! Amazing

Lisette said...

JD is just too cute! Parting ways with clothing is so difficult. I only had a few for Sami that I donated but boy was that hard. I still have a few things that I just can't part ways with. Janessa must be so proud of you. This road your on isn't easy but you have done so well and I am very proud of you. I admire your strength.

Amanda said...

Oh my goodness, I have tears in my eyes! I love the outfit and I love that you decided to put JD in it. It's like a big hug from Janess! He looks so super cute.

Holly said...

It had to be hard to part with those, I'm sure. Oh my! He is so adorable in that sleeper. So lovely...

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