I used the opportunity to go and visit Janessa before heading to do some errands. I try and go after each snowfall to clean off her stone and fix her decorations. I have not been able to do that each time this winter with the arrival of JD. I have yet to bring JD to his sister's grave. Its been too frigid. I think I'll wait until the first nice spring day and make a trip with him.
I pulled up and saw that snow was piled up as high as my thigh. The mountain of snow on the edge of the road where I would enter was almost as tall as me. I could not get to her.
A shovel will now be placed in my vehicle. I will be that crazy grief stricken mother shoveling in the cemetery.
But today I sat there in my vehicle and thought how my little baby was buried underneath all of that. I pictured her tiny pink coffin. I thought how cold she must be. My natural motherly instincts towards her have not been erased with time.
There I was sitting 40 feet from her & the universe had found yet another way to keep me from her.