Monday, December 27, 2010

Today is the Day!

Today I am 37 weeks 1 day pregnant. Today we also have our amniocentesis scheduled for 9:00 am. If baby boy's lungs are mature I will be induced.

I cannot believe this day has finally arrived. Physically and emotionally I am ready. More than ready. I am excited and yet nervous. I am looking forward to meeting this little one who is squirming all over as I type this. I am terrified however, that something may go wrong. I stay positive for the most part but those thoughts seem to creep in now and then. Its hard for me to even imagine holding this little one in my arms. Alive.  I am looking forward to cuddling up with him and staring at his precious little face, feeling his soft skin, smelling his sweet baby smell. To think that could happen on this very day is surreal for me.

As I lay here typing at 1:00 am, a blizzard is blowing outside. The first real snowfall of this winter and they are predicting about 20 inches. 20 inches! Just our luck that it happens the night before our induction. My doctor called me yesterday afternoon and asked if we would like to reschedule until Tuesday. We decided not to change the date but at any point we can call and cancel. We plan on heading out extremely early in the morning so we can go as slow as needed. Basically there are 3 main roads that lead from here to the hospital and once we are on them we should be fine. Making it to the first one should not be too difficult with our vehicle if the town keeps up with the plowing. I am a little nervous about driving in the snow but I know we can change our mind at any point.

I find it odd to know ahead of time. To know the date that could possibly be this little one's birthday. I am honestly not really sure how I have been handling all of this emotionally. I have numerous times today been knocked over by a overwhelming feeling. A feeling that maybe I am NOT ready to have this baby here. It has been so long,...7 1/2 years since we have had a baby come home with us. I do know that all those worries will melt away the moment I look at his face. I also know how additional emotions will come into play today. Those steming from Janessa's death. I do not know what to expect. I try not to dwell on it. What will be will be. I have noticed that when things become intense emotionally for me I find ways to keep myself preoccupied. Staying busy is an understatement of what has been going on around here. I have made it so I barely have time to think.

I have let the thought occur to me that this may be the last night I am pregnant. Ever. I do not think I could do this over again. I feel so grateful to be able to go in tomorrow and be blessed with this little boy. This has been a very long road. Treacherous at times but I somehow managed to still find joy along the way. I am extremely grateful for that. I thank everyone who has supported me/us along the way. Thank you for walking some of this journey with us.

I look forward to having both my sons together tomorrow. I have daydreamed about JJ meeting his brother so many times. He is so excited.

I only wish there was a way I could have all my children together. I know she will be with me tomorrow as always. She is never far from my heart & mind.

I should be long sleeping by now so I am off to do just that. I will update as soon as I can.

14 comments:

Sarita Boyette said...

Praying that all goes well and your sweet baby gets here safe and sound. xoxo

Ronica said...

Love you Malory and I'm wishing you all the good luck in the world.

*Laura Angel said...

Will be thinking of you and your family today! Yay for no PE! xoxoxo

brigette said...

YAY!! Praying for you today!! I cant wait to get the update. I hope all goes well. So much love to you!

Catherine W said...

Thinking of you and your family today Malory. I hope that everything goes well xo

Betty said...

Yay. Sending you hugs and prayers.

Lisette said...

Sending you may prayers. I can't wait to hear the good news and finally get to see his precious face. Thinking of you ((HUGS)).

With Out My Punkin said...

Thinking of you today and praying that you have a beautiful and peaceful birth. <3

Jaime said...

So exciting!! You and your little man are in my thoughts!

xo

Stephanie said...

CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ALL!

Holly said...

Hoping and praying for everything to go smoothly!

Curls O Fred said...

I'm so behind on posts! Thinking of you and look forward to hearing about you guys. ((hugs))

Cristin said...

Malory, I am hoping and praying that at this very moment your new little one is safely in your arms.

One Crazy Mommy said...

Any one know what's going on? Whether everything is ok? Been seven days since she's posted this, I just hope its taking so long for an update because she's so completely busy and exhausted for anything else. Hoping to see pictures of two handsome boys soon!!

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