Wednesday, November 3, 2010



I hope everyone had a fun Halloween!

I definitely live a little through JJ as I am sure so many other parents do through their children. I LOVE getting him ready for his annual PTA Halloween party & Trick-or-Treat night. I still get that little excitement I used to feel as a child.

What was nice this year versus last is that the "enjoyment" feeling seemed to of returned. I was still pretty numb last year & joy was not easily come by. I remember still having some fun last year with the day & especially while getting him ready but we were still somewhat in a fog. His costume was pretty cool don't you think?


My husband & I combined our efforts and we did up a pumpkin for Janessa.

I did not anticipate how emotional this would make me. I painted Janessa's while Jayden carved out his.

My mind did the usual wandering to the 'what this moment SHOULD be like'. I am almost used to this by now. To the subtle dialog that plays through my mind during events, special days and holidays. It wasn't until I started to put the white butterfly on did my mood & emotional state take a turn. I used a butterfly shaped sponge to get the butterfly on the pumpkin and when it didn't come out just perfect I wanted to sob. I was so mad at the world that I was making a pumpkin for her grave instead of in a few hours getting her dressed up in some girly costume. I was so frustrated that the one thing I was doing for her wasn't coming out like I had imagined. My husband jumped in and hand painted it to fix it up and while he was trying I started taking it out on him because it still wasn't what I envisioned. I felt so bad. I was literally choking back tears. In the end it came out perfect and beautiful. I was happy we had something to take to our little girl. Something that had a special meaning to it. I then took a shower & sobbed. We have done up many items for Janessa over the past 17 months. None have hit me so hard. The grief can just sneak up on you & drown you within seconds.

Just like every other year our niece came along trick-or-treating.

I love watching them run from door to door getting their candy. It makes me long for the days of my childhood. When life was so much simpler.

All in all it turned out to be a fun night with our son. I am looking forward to next year when we will hopefully have one more little boy to dress up.

Me 29 weeks pregnant with my boys :)


Lisette said...

I love the pumpkin, it did indeed come out perfect. It is scary how quickly emotions take over and knock you off your feet. I have been super emotional lately too. You look beautiful! ((HUGS))

Mary said...

I couldn't come up with anything to do. I love your idea. Your pumpkin is perfect.

Holly said...

I like her pumpkin!

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