There have been some “happenings” since my last update.
I am now 17.5 weeks. The morning sickness is still present but not as frequent. I can go a day or two feeling great and then the following day I am knocked off my feet for the entire day. I have never had much luck with morning sickness. With my son I experienced it every day until 7 months. With Janessa I cannot even describe in words how awful it was. I was sick each day and there were days I cried because of how ill I was. I could never stay hydrated & visited the hospital twice for an IV. I toughed that out until 5 months. I have to say this time is not so rough. Knowing how much worse it could be helps me get through the bad days.
Things have not been going as smoothly as we were hoping for. With my first two pregnancies I did not have any complications & beside the sickness everything went as typical as a pregnancy could go. That is of course until the day we lost Janessa. This time I seem to be getting all the little scares & worries I seem to have avoided. I spotted at 6 weeks for about 11 days. I remember the feeling that came over me when I thought we would lose the baby. I have not had a miscarriage & the thought of one knocked the life out of me. The thought that we may lose this baby, this much wanted baby, this little life we already loved…I couldn’t imagine how I would deal with that on top of the enormous weight of grief I still feel. I could see and sense the fear in my husband that day. We went in for an ultrasound the day the spotting began & everything was fine. We were extremely relieved when the spotting stopped a week and a half later.
For the past few weeks I have been experiencing cramping. On two occasions they were about 5 minutes apart & I was breathing through them as though they were labor pains. They ended after an hour or so & by the time I spoke with the doctor I was only experiencing slight cramping. I was told to stay off my feet & if the contractions returned to head to the ER. On Tuesday I experienced spotting again so I called the doctor. I had an appointment the following day so they told me to rest for the remainder of the day. I am so grateful to have our home Doppler. It has already brought so much relief when I can check in & listen to baby’s heartbeat & know he/she is ok.
The fear is so very present each day and I am trying to wade through all the emotions that are engulfing me. I am only one person and each day there doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day to deal with each one. I am amazed at how many emotions one person can harbor at a time. Between taking care of Jayden who is still on summer vacation, trying to stay healthy, dealing with the worry I have found little time to dedicate to my grief. It builds & I breakdown.
The appointment last Wednesday went well. My blood pressure was slightly raised at 130/80 but my stress level was pretty high. I once again had trace protein. The babies heart rate in the office was 154 beats per minute which is exactly what I have been getting at home for a reading.
I explained the slight cramping that comes & go & she inquired about the spotting. She did an exam & stated my cervix “is everything a cervix should be”. That was a relief to find out that the cramps had not caused any dilation. The doctor explained how some women experience mild cramps during early pregnancy. She also went on to tell me how sensitive the cervix is during pregnancy which may explain the spotting of blood. I tried to take some relief in her answers but since these are all new symptoms for me while pregnant I cannot seem to relax. We are already on high anxiety and these occurrences are really taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally.
Due to how worried I was about the cramping & spotting I forgot to mention the progesterone shots she had brought up at our last appointment. I was leaning towards them but now that this cramping has happened I am pretty set on getting them. I do not see her for about 20 days so I may call the office and have the nurse run it by her. The nurse practitioner there gave me her personal email address so I may do that instead.
In the meantime though, we go in next Monday for the 18 week anatomy scan where we will find out the gender!
I also finally received my home blood pressure cup after about 2 months of going back & forth with the medical supply company & my insurance. I do need to have it calibrated because I keep getting amazingly low readings that I could only wish were accurate!
I experienced a small amount of spotting & slight cramping Monday so I took it easy all day yesterday. I can feel my anxiety level increasing & I am scared as to how high it is going to reach in the coming weeks. Scared may be an understatement.