I woke up spotting old blood & they had me come in to check everything. We were relieved to see the heartbeat. I spotted for a week & a half but then stopped. I had not spotted with my son or Janessa so I was worried.
We waited until I was 6 weeks to share the news. Partly because we needed some time to soak it in & mostly because Janessa's memorial service was coming up. We were afraid that we would recieve well intended but misguided comments..."Well now you have another one on the way."..etc. We didn't want the pregnancy to take away from the meaning of Janessa's service. Our biggest fear is that people will think we are "all better" now. This pregnancy has no effect on our feelings towards Janessa's death. It doesn't make it less painful. It doesn't take away the everyday emotions of not having her here. Our sun is not magically shining now. Those who have stayed clear of us this past year have already started coming back around & that is extremely difficult to deal with on top of the flood of emotions we are dealing with.
We are waiting until after our 12 week ultrasound to share the news with our son. Although I have never had a miscarriage before we are staying on the cautious side in case we could save him from the fallout if that was to happen. We are trying to be positive & excited but we are scared.
At my first nurse visit the first week of June my blood pressure was high. 140/82. I was extremely upset at the reading. Honestly it scares me so very much. Scares me that we'll lose this baby & for my own health. I did have to fill out paperwork & info regarding Janessa right before they took my blood pressure. I may have what they call "white coat syndrome" where the docs makes my anxiety go up therefore increasing my blood pressure. I am getting a cup to keep at home to check daily & if need be they will increase my medication. That was a tough day emotionally for me. It was a taste of what we will be dealing with for the duration of the pregnancy.
I have my next appointment on Tuesday & this will be the 1st one with the doctor. Looking forward to getting some answers & having some "plan" for the pregnancy.
Morning sickness has always been cruel to me & I have had my share. Compared to my last two I shouldn't complain but its just awful! lol
I am debating if I will continue to post my pregnancy blog posts here or if I will create a seperate pregnancy blog. I may turn this one into a blog about our life after loss in general instead of splitting up the posts. Still unsure.
I have read so many posts about rainbow babies on the way. Congrats to all the mommies expecting. I am glad we will have each other on this journey. I am also thankful for the ones who have been down this road ahead of me. I will need your support.
For those who are not familiar with what a rainbow baby is I will explain with a little help from Susan at A Rainbow on the Horizon.
A rainbow baby is a bay who is born after a parent loses a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death.
It is understood that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of any storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that we are not still dealing with its aftermath. It means that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.