When we were planning Janessa's memorial service we decided we would stand up & say a few words. I fretted over if I would be able to get up there & what I was going to say. I kept postponing writing my words down. I did this all the way until the morning of the service. I knew that had I started writing it a few weeks before the service I would end up with a novel. There was just so much I wanted to say to everyone. So many thank yous & so much I wanted to explain. I managed to keep it to a minimum. Although I watch it & think of all the things I wish I would have expressed, I am content on what was said.
I have never been a public speaker & have avoided it all costs. I worried I would be so nervous. I have to tell you on that day I didn't feel any of that. I was overcome with strength & the day was very peaceful for me. Since the one year mark I have felt more at peace. The piece of closure the service gave me is incredible. I still have my days & moments where the grief knocks the wind right out of me. I do not believe those days will ease for quite some time. They are now just farther apart from each other. I still think of Janessa each day, many many times a day. She is never more than a second from my thoughts. I still shed tears. Many of them. I always will. I still feel her absence each day but that intense pain has eased some. Its there, I feel it, but I push on. I keep going. For my son, my husband, for Janessa & this new little munchkin on the way & for me. Because I need to. Because she would want me to.
MAKE SURE TO PRESS PAUSE ON THE MUSIC PLAYER BEFORE PRESSING PLAY ON THE VIDEO
To watch other videos from her service click the links below
Full Memorial Video Vocal Performances Butterfly Release Janessa's Story