This was me May 9th of last year. This would be the last picture I took pregnant.
I was exactly 31 weeks pregnant. I took this pic right before we left to attend a friend's wedding. I was incredibly happy. Life was blissful. We were living our life with our amazing son. We had finally married the October prior after being together 10 years. I became a stay at home mom. We may have not owned our home but it felt pretty close & all we needed was the darn white picket fence.
The following day was Mother's Day. I recieved breakfast in bed with my big old belly & JJ ate his with me. My husband put a pink carnation on the tray that he brought in the room. That flower now sits in Janessa's memorial curio case in the living room. It represents the only Mother's Day she will ever spend here with me.
If you would have told me then that in four days my little girl's heart would stop beating and that next year on this day I would be planning my daughter's memorial service instead of celebrating my first Mother's Day as mom of 2, I'm not sure what I would have done or said. I can see the horror in my mind. All I know is I look at this picture & I see a smile that my face can no longer seem to form the same. I see eyes that are sparkling with happiness, joy & excitement & I know my eyes could never light up that way again.
I see a woman who has been lost forever & I long for her & that life with all my heart today.
I had a peaceful day today. My husband made breakfast & we had a great lunch with my Mother. I feel blessed to be a mom to our son & that I have an amazing mother in my life.
There will always be a tug on my heart on days such as these. Another reminder that another year has passed that I did not spend with all my children here with me.
I hope everyone had an amazing day. To those moms who may have lost their only child I hope today was peaceful and gentle to you. I have kept so many of you close in my heart & thoughts today.