Monday, February 22, 2010

Favorite Quote About Janessa

You know when you read something & it hits you right in the heart? You get that lump in your throat & your on the verge of tears. That is how I feel each time I read the quote below. I do not know if I am truly convinced this is how it is, but I'd like to think this way of her.

I like to picture her a little girl who is running & playing with other little ones. I hope she is smiling & giggling & having so much fun. I hope there is someone or many people giving her all the love I wanted to as her mommy. I hope she is being a little girl & she is so wrapped up in her new content life & new home that she has little time to look down & see me as the mess I have been the past 9 1/2 months. I hate to think she is looking down & seeing all my tears, my sadness, my guilt & this pain. I do not like who I am & I hate to think that she thinks of this wreck as her mommy.

Maybe I am all wrong. Maybe she knows everything she needs to know already & she understands this all much more than I do. I really don't understand this at all.

I also like to think of her as a little girl because when I get to where she is I do not want to of missed out on her that way. I remember being told at some point growing up that everyone who goes to heaven becomes the same age. I think I was told it was 30 years old. I have no idea where I heard this or how much merit I should even put into that thought but it has always stuck with me. I hope its not that way. I want my little girl even if I have to wait my entire life to see her again...





7 comments:

The Blue Sparrow said...

I agree, I like to think that Bryston and Peanut are still babies or children too. I get that and I think your right, its so that when I get there I wont have missed out. *HUGS*

Cristin said...

I have never read that quote, but I really like it. I sorta hope that's how it is for Cayden too. That he is so busy in his wonderful world, so loved and happy it won't pain him to miss me like it pains me to ache for him.

Mary said...

I'd like to believe that Lukas will be a baby when I see him. So that I get a chance to do all the things I couldn't do here.

AKD said...

Oh, this made me cry, too! That's so lovely - I had a dream very similar after Maddie's birth. Sending you hugs.

Kelli with Love said...

What a beautiful quote...very touching. I've always believed that if you lose a child, you will be able to raise them in Heaven as you would've on earth. :o)

Kim Golinski said...

Mal - I know that I do not fully understand your pain, but I am very compassionate in trying to understand. I wish everyday that you and your family could be pain free. I wish for this more than any other thing.

I always thought that when someone moves on to another life or world they pick up at the most important place where they feel they left off.

I think that when you meet Janessa again, she will be a sweet beautiful baby. I always felt that you can choose where in your life you can enter into heaven seeing you have full filled your life on earth.

Janessa is always in my thoughts, as is your family.

Holly said...

Oh I love that quote so much!!!

I have heard the same thing about age in Heaven. Who knows how it really is! Maybe they'll be how we want to remember them.

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